A Change (Or Four) Would Do You Good

I have this strange behavior; an odd way of thinking. I think it’s odd. It may be perfectly normal to someone else, but for now we’ll define it as “unusual”.

When I come to a point in my life where I feel the need to have a fresh slate from anything, I make something new. A new twitter handle, tumblr account, email account, username, etc…the list goes on. This has been something I have done for a while now. It can drive people crazy, I know. It drives me crazy, too, but regardless of how annoying it may sound?

It makes me feel better. It’s like I have taken in a deep breath and exhaled a whole lot of weight that may or may not have been there.

My reasons may range from anything from “I’m bored with the name”, “I wanted a new name”, or “I just need to start over”. Whatever the reason is, though, sometimes I wonder if there is something more to it. Is it some very mild case of OCD? A generic compulsive behavior? ADHD?

Yes, I know. It’s easy to jump on these particular bandwagons when trying to understand little ticks and quips about yourself and others. It does make me think, though. Like I said, this is not something that just recently came about, but something I have done for a number of years.

Regardless of what it is or what the true nature of the behavior may be, I think if it makes me feel better and happy, why not do it? I think if I were changing these sort of things every few days or weeks, there would be a more immediate need for concern, but it’s not like that.

Not at all.

Maybe it’s just the way I’m programmed where a different person does something else that makes them feel better; feel refreshed and renewed.

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It’s Time to Spring Forward!

This is my own gentle reminder that tonight I need to turn the clocks forward one hour. Don’t forget!

In other news, it’s been far too long since I’ve written a blog post. Shame on me! I have a good reason, though.

Things have been pretty hectic for me on an emotional level, but I am doing a lot to get myself in a good place. It’s important to remember that these things are not immediate. It is a journey and one that will have plenty of ups and downs.

I have had a lot of downs with the onslaught of cold weather. I am ready for winter to be over with!

To try and conquer the winter blues, I have been trying to do some crafts and healthy living. I recently joined Nerd Fitness, which has been such a blessing. Imagine a place where the nerds and geeks of the world gather to support others in their quests for better living, health, and exercise. It’s fantastic! I’m currently working on my first 6 Week Challenge and it’s going very well thus far.

I’ve finally gotten back into crocheting, which has been fabulous! I’m working on a “skinny scarf” in a collection of absolutely gorgeous colors. Photos will be forthcoming!

So, in lieu of this dreary weather, try and keep your head up. Embrace your roadblocks, allow yourself the time to get your emotions out, and let it strengthen you.

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Take a Deep Breath

I started this blog to bring a smile to others. The world is filled with so much hate and negativity that I needed something shiny.

These past few posts have not had the sparkle that was intended, but they are not bad. I have desperately needed an outlet and it did not matter whether people read it or acknowledged it. It has helped me in dealing with these muddy emotions. However, I would like to maintain the proper theme and mood. I want to have my sunshine with my rain.

That said, my dear followers, I invite you to follow Adagio for Pathos which is my rain.

Face It…

Why do I bother writing?

Why do I bother doing anything?

Is it all really worth it?

Why bother at all?

It’s never going to be perfect.

I’m never going to be perfect.

Am I really worth it?

Why am I so messed up?

Why can’t I do better?

Why can’t I be better?

I’m disappointed in myself.

I’m a disappointment.

Why am I crying?

I don’t know why I do anything.

I can’t explain so please stop asking.

I just want to sleep.

I don’t want to do anything.

Leave me alone.

Why am I so stupid?

Good Morning!

I’m doing fine.

I’m feeling really good.

I’ll be happy to help you!

I feel like I’m doing better.

I’ve got a handle on it this time.

I thought I was doing better.

Why is this happening?

I’m getting help.

I can do better.

I feel like everyone is laughing at me.

I feel like an idiot.

Do I really have any friends?

Who cares?

I care.

You’re worth it.

People love you.

You can do it.

It will be okay.

It all matters.

Everything matters.

Everyone matters.

Take a deep breath.

Cry if you need to.

Everything will be alright.

It’s Okay to Talk About It

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Today, in Canada, is Bell’s Lets Talk campaign. The day is dedicated to anyone who suffers from any form of mental health illness. If you are on Twitter, or are a Bell customer, here are the ways that you can help further mental health initiatives.

I am a firm supporter of this movement and do my best to utilize the above methods to donate. Mental Health Illness is still such an anomaly to the medical field because there is no uniform method of treatment. Right now, the treatments include being put on a variety of medications until you find a good fit, talking with a range of doctors, and suffering in silence.

For a good part of my life, depression was something I never understood. I would hear people say they were depressed, but wasn’t everyone? Didn’t everyone have bad days? I had plenty of days that I just felt completely drained and disgusting, but I got over it. Why can’t everyone do that?

Because having a bad day and depression (or any Mental Health Illness) are not the same.

These issues can be triggered by anything. They could be triggered by nothing at all.

No matter what, never be afraid to tell someone when you’re not feeling like yourself.  Do not be afraid to reach out and help someone who is suffering. Break the silence. Do not judge. Be supportive.

End the Stigma.

When the Fog Finally Lifts

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It’s such a strange feeling. Like walking through a thick fog that is choking the very light out of the world. You can barely see the path before you, but you know it’s there. You still stumble, though you never completely fall. The way out is close, but it seems so far away. Everything seems so far out of your reach. You know once the fog clears that you’ll be able to find the right path. Everything will be alright, but you just need to get there.

That is always the most difficult part. It is even more difficult to explain it to others who may not understand.

This is where I was yesterday. From the moment I woke up to the second I fell asleep, I was stuck in this place. Today, I left that place behind.

Depression and anxiety are different for everyone. Sometimes it is not like this for me. Sometimes it is. I think that is what makes it worse to try and explain how you’re feeling. At times, it’s a dark and damp place filled with fog. Other times, it’s maddening. Yesterday was foggy and muddy, and kept me weighed down for far too long.

I much prefer today feeling bright and content.

Some might wonder why I wrote something like this here where I have been advocating positive living. I believe that in order to be happy, you should be able to discuss the things that effect that feeling. Pinpoint the moments when you are not feeling like yourself and write about it. More often than not, I keep things to myself. I keep them tight lipped until they finally explode at a later time; a time when the smallest thing will set you off. Address the feelings now. Even if it’s not with spoken word, write it down. I believe people worry that others will not understand why they are feeling this way. They won’t, but that doesn’t mean that no one will.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

(I really wish I knew who made this gif. It’s one of my favorites!)

Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up and everything clicks? You feel motivated, determined, and you want to accomplish things that you’ve been telling yourself to do for years.

I had that feeling this morning.

It was a sluggish morning since insomnia continues to rear it’s ugly head. When you don’t fall asleep until almost 4 AM, 7 AM comes entirely too early. Nevertheless, I rolled out of bed (albeit at 7:15) to get my step-brother up and off to school.

9 AM and all was quite in the house. Don’t get me wrong! I love my family, but I understand why my Mom loves those moments of peace and quiet. I made myself some coffee and proceeded to clean-up the DVR of my various ghost hunting shows. This morning it was an episode of Ghost Adventures. While I sat sipping my coffee and playing Candy Crush, I was also watching it snow. I don’t know why snowfall suddenly made me think about finally coming to terms with my adulthood, but it did.

It’s a scary thought when you take the time to really think on it. Too much of it has to be bad for your health.

Whatever it was in the falling snow, though, triggered something in my conscious. Or maybe it was my subconscious? Either way, rather than just saying that I’m going to make this year my year, I’m going to do it. For far too long I’ve said I’m going to do this and eventually do that. What do I have standing in my way? Nothing but myself.

Now is the time to stop being afraid and do it. Have fun and laugh! Enjoy life and love what has been given to you. No one can live your life for you, so unless you do it, no one will.

Life is Too Short to Not Enjoy the Little Things

Who knew that Facebook games could feel so fulfilling and give someone such excitement?

Yes, I am one of those people who plays a few of those silly Facebook games that drive most people crazy on their feeds. It use to make me so self-conscious and worried that my friends would get so frustrated with me.

You know what I say now? Life is too short. Enjoy the little things!

Which is why I have a separate Facebook account for games. Queue the sad trombone music.

In any case, I really enjoy playing City Girl Life, which is a simplified Sim-like game allowing the player to live in the busy city while pursuing a plethora of fun jobs. You buy fun clothing for a variety of occasions, have quests, make requests for items to complete said quests, and win!

You also spend real money. If you want to, of course.

Of course, today, the “Daily Deal” surrounded a number of items with peacock feathers.

I fully believe in protecting these beautiful creatures and would never use actual peacock feathers, but I do love the color palettes that they give to the world.

I also exhibit a similar reaction as the one above when I see most (read: any) things with peacocks decorating it.

Unfortunately, as I am without my own income, spending money to obtain these items wasn’t a top priority on my list. Enter my mother, who also enjoys these games as much as I do.

“Buy yourself the pack. You love peacocks. Life it too short to not enjoy it!”

This coming from the woman who is on disability, but would give you every last penny she had to help a person out or make someone happy.

I’m happy to say that I was able to win all the items, which made this cold and rainy day much brighter, but that’s not the point of all of this.

The point is that sometimes you have to enjoy those little, simple things that bring a smile to your face. What someone may find ridiculous may be just what someone needs to really make their day better.

“It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.” – Charles Spurgeon

Page One of A Never-ending Journey

I’m not very good at opening posts. The first post is usually where you talk about yourself, what you’re going to write, and your reasons behind doing what you’re doing.

For starters, I’m terrible at writing about myself. Talking myself up has never been a strong suit of mine, which is something I am working to better. There is a difference between being self-confident and self-centered, and I have never wanted to be the latter.

Secondly, my subject matter could vary! The initial purpose for starting a blog was to promote a positive outlook on life, happiness, calm, and good health. My hope is to stay on that route, but we’re all human. Emotions are always changing. There are good days, there are bad days, and there are days when we just want to hide under the blankets and stay there. Those are the days that I want to make better. For me, myself, and I, but also for my friends and family. Laughing is the best medicine after all, and it takes more muscles to frown than to smile.

Lastly, my reasons. I’m sure I could probably write up some deep paragraph as to why I want to do this. If I had the background in emotional studies, I could cite these reasons as to why you should take them to heart. However, since I have neither the background or the need to go into a lengthy description, the reason is simple: I want to. I want people to have something happy to read when most news feeds are filled with the constant reminder of the hurt happening in the world.

That said, this is my comfort corner. This is my spot in the cybernetic world of the internet that should bring a grin to your gray, a laugh to your lackluster, and a bit of happiness to your ho hum.

Kellie